Long time no see!
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been working pretty steadily, and quite honestly, passing out as soon as I get home. But I finally have FOUR days off, and I’m going to enjoy every second of it!
But! That’s not what this post is about. This post is a quick run of the things I’ve been reaching out for, trying to improve upon, and kind of a list of things I’m hoping to achieve before my time is up. This isn’t a ten step plan and I am certainly no professional on organizing one’s life. Personally my life would be planned out to a T if I had the option. But since I’m not the only human in this factor- it’s not.
So, without further adieu, let’s jump right into it.
Getting back into my artwork.
I’m not positive that a lot of my most recent acquaintances know this, but I was an avid artist growing up. In high school I dreamed of being a comic book colorist, or a concept artist. I would spent hours on art projects, days, even weeks if necessary. Even when it reached a point where it could be considered “finished”, I’d sit and ponder if there could be anything else I could add to make it better. Could I shade more here? Could I add more color here? What can I do with the background? Does it need a back ground?
But now I’m incredibly rusty because my life took over. I went to school at TSTC for Gaming and Interactive Media Design Arts (10/10 would not recommend btw). Let me emphasize on the word ARTS. My first semester included nothing but the basic computer classes where the first chapter of my $75 textbook taught me how to turn on my desktop.
I thought it was a joke. This was an art program? Where was my theory classes? Where were the models I was supposed to be drawing? I took a photoshop class, but even then I was just learning how to cover up pimples and clone trees to cover up stop signs. That was the most ‘art’ that was ever involved in my major before they merged it with the Programming version of my major without telling anyone.
So I gave it up. I dropped out of college and decided to work. There aren’t a lot of art schools in central Texas, let alone employers for someone with a Gaming and Interactive Media Design Arts degree. I didn’t draw anymore because school had sucked up all of that time and I forgot about it.
I still took pictures though. Working with my hands was my passion but I could happily substitute a pen for my DSLR once I lost the time to sit and draw for several hours on end. I tried making a business out of it (renaming my ‘company’ three times before deciding on a decent name). I pushed to be a tour photographer- candids being my strong suit, so I would make false bottom compartments to sneak my camera into shows like Warped Tour, seeing VersaEmerge at Stubbs BBQ, shows at SXSW. I’d run from security who noticed my neck wasn’t holding a press pass, but a fancy camera was in my hands.
I didn’t take my camera to a show once and I didn’t take it again until I was asked to recently by a friend of my sisters (they happen to have the same name…which makes me always think she’s talking about herself in third person). I was ecstatic! I was getting to shoot a band for sh*ts sake! Finally, someone was asking me and not the other way around.
Then I completely missed their set. My sister and I were forced to sit through a Mother’s day dinner that ran too long and I missed their set.
It’s okay though, I still got some shots of the band together, and the other bands that played as shown above. But I was still absolutely pissed at myself for letting us leave so late. Hopefully I’ll get another chance, but we’ll see.
So, how am I planning to get back into the artistic ‘game’?
Baby steps. I need to work out a time every day or every other day to sketch. Practice makes perfect, something my Grandma would say every time I would tell her I wasn’t happy with a drawing or painting.
“Practice makes perfect, mija.”
But I won’t make the mistake of getting back into art the digital way again. The first time I was finally motivated to get back into creating things with my hands, I tried to do so via photoshop with my stylus. I will say this gave me a false sense of security, as mistakes were so easily repaired with a quick flick of Ctrl+Z and you could never tell they were there in the first place. With paper, these mistakes aren’t as simple.
I’d catch myself flicking my left pinky and ring finger twitching to hit Ctrl+Z every time my mind would register that I made a mistake and get frustrated that my eraser didn’t completely remove the smudge in the graphite, or the area I accidently shaded in blue with a prismacolor- and then I instantly wouldn’t like the piece anymore. It drove me nuts thinking that I could have fixed it some way or another, but instead I could never look past the nasty little mistake I made that no one else’s eyes would probably notice unless I said so.
And as for my photography, I’ll have to get past the idea of not advertising myself more. I’ve never been one to try and put my name out there- but rather hoping that I could get the work I make around through word of mouth. Tumblr didn’t help me in my early years past hijacking my photos for their own use. The dozens of times I had to flag accounts with tumblr for theft of my work or removal of my watermark was headache inducing and I soon gave up.
I’ll just have to try harder this time.
Talking to my family.
I’m not good at keeping in touch. Period. I’m the worst. I haven’t talked to my family up north past the occasional comment on facebook in years. I’m lazy and I know it. My Mamaw is constantly asking my Mom for me to email her but I can never work up the motivation to do so.
I just don’t like the idea of communicating… at all. If I could live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere with a high speed internet connection- I would. I’d have my groceries shipped and I’d shop online and not talk to anyone again. Except Austin. And my dogs. Maybe my Mom and Dad. And sister. I’ll just be selective.
Call me a hermit all you want, but I’ve always been this way. I can be boisterous and loud when I’m comfortable, but I have no issue with sitting in silence. Silence is golden and I have no need to fill it with nonsenseical rambling. Plus, whenever I do speak, words get jumbled and my stutter comes through and it frustrates me.
Oddly enough, I’m great at talking to myself. It’s insane and it worries my boyfriend (Psych degree), but I’m more comfortable with myself than I am someone else. I think out loud only when I’m on my own and I think I could use that to communicate better with others.
What am I talking about?
Have you ever heard of vlogging? People have basically made a career out of filming their lives and posting it online for the world to see, but in this case, I could possibly use it to show my family what I’m up to.
I can hear you all now: “Uh… what?”
Hear me out. This concept is fairly new- but look at the things that these people are doing and how their vlogs are reaching out to more than just ‘fans’, but family.
Click photos to go to their youtube channels.
I’ll be creating a whole post over my favorite channels and what I like to watch soon, so keep an eye out for that!
I’d be using this as a tool to talk to those I’ve been so bad at communicating with for the past couple of years. And I love the idea and I think I’d be able to carry it well- despite the fact that some people can’t seem to wrap it around their heads that people might actually enjoy vlogging, and watching vlogs.
But if it doesn’t pan out, I always have this blog. I apologize in advance if you’re reading this Mamaw/Grandma/Mom for my swearing. My parents taught me well and I went to public school.
That’s my reasoning anyway.
For now, I’ll leave it at that. The list is long and extensive and gets a bit deep and awkward- so we’ll touch base on that once we get to know each other better.
That sounds highly suggestive, but you get my drift.
Stay tuned for the next post on my Accutane Journey and how I’m feeling about the results so far! If the post is already up it will be linked.
Thanks for reading.